Connection to your Self Energy - Own True Essence is the strongest protection and guidance you can have.
Again and again I´m looking for this calm wise female warm energy which carries love, understanding, spaciousness and extended all around views. I know I have this energy and this ability in me. When I am in this energy I feel so good. I feel in trust. There is quietness, depth and I feel held by universe. It is warm and spacious. All worries and all challenges I see with love and universal understanding.
There is no need to figure out something. There is no need to push or to pull. There is just surfing one wave in the big ocean with the awareness that there are many waves which are all connected. Time and space doesn't really occupy my mind in this state. I trust in the flow. It is very peaceful. There is the knowing that there is space below and above. There are forces all around and there is no fear of loosing the stand.
When I´m in this state, when I´m connected to this energy which I feel mainly inside of me, also I know it is more then just inside of my body vessel. I´m grateful for my body. Our body is such a big intelligence center, when we are learning to connect our thoughts, emotions, awareness with our body. Sensations reflect and mirror us the biggest wisdom. The connections between the limited and the unlimited is happening in this moments.
Still very often I´m so surprised because I just recently in the last 5 years started learning and connecting to these sensations and appearing fields of consciousness.
In 2018 after already dieting in the Shipibo tradition with my maestros since a few years, my heart and my chest started feel depressed. I sensed frequently pressure, sadness and fear. It forced me to look more into that. I´m grateful that my body “screamed” to me, this was a door opener. After that I also started to study with the Diamond Approach and with Dr. Gabor Mate to understand better. This is how I started to create new connections and new pathways of learning together with studying in my Shipibo Diets.
When you find the open doors in a certain sensations which your body shows you it gets a journey in deep unconsciously hidden places. You can see, hear, feel and acknowledge so many experiences which guide you towards wholeness and healing. You can bring the implicit memory up in the explicit, what means to expand your awareness about yourself. Your memory, your understanding and how you are able to connect the dots shifts and forms a totally new map about yourself and your life. Your own reality shifts more towards truth.
Why to do all that? Because you can get your true inner leader, you will be able to take true responsibility about your life. You will be driven less by unconscious patterns or just by expectations from your environment. If you are able to connect to your “Self Energy”, “True essence” or how ever you like to call it, also your energetic field gets quite strong. This has a huge effect on your protection, on your alignment, on your guidance and what you attract in your life etc.
You create differently, you walk your truth, you express your truth, you create differently your relationships, your work life will be different etc.
One of the first steps is to start to create a space internally and externally. So you are able to check in with your self, to take some breaks to do self inquiry and to do some practice to get more aware about yourself. Getting to know your inner world and inner maps with all your senses is crucial, so you can un blend different parts and learn to observe more.
The more inner space you create, the more you can distinguish your Self Energy from strong parts in you, which are driving you. I love the moments and times when I´m in my Self Energy.
For me it is this feeling what I described in the beginning of this text. Warm, calm, trustful, spacious, loving and there is this feeling of bliss which relaxes my muscles and gives me soft inner smile.
People around me respond to this energy in me. I experience that they feel save and held warmly by me, when I´m in this connected state. Things around me flow peacefully and I respond from a place on calmness. The inner and outer experience seems similar.
Unfortunately I also have often moments when old wounds/vulnerable parts get triggered in me and I get driven by emotions as fear, certain old beliefs or my protective patterns start to kick in to do their old learned jobs. My body responds with rigidity. I feel more tight. My thoughts and opinions get more into a “tunnel shape”, there is less openness, my heart, belly and solar plexus mostly get more dense and I feel uncomfortable in my own skin somehow.
Often in this states of disconnection of my True Essence / Self Energy my mind gets into intense thinking and looping. A very important approach for me is: Where there is tension give it attention. If I´m able to do that, often I realize the roots causes in me and with some practise I can un blend Self Energy from all this other strong parts.
Honestly if something emotionally intense happens to me, I need some time and often I switch again and again in between Self Energy/Self leaded and being driven by parts. It can be sometimes quite frustrating, if I go back and forward for a while and I notice how stubborn some of the wired mechanisms are.
My most vulnerable zone is, when I am in a close relationship with a man. There I experience my deepest triggers and my biggest vulnerability. All kind of thoughts and stories get activated and it is a lot of work to come back to my still wise calm True Essence. Maybe for some of you that might be familiar. ;-)
Every time I´m able to come back to this warm spacious female energy it feels so good and true. My interactions feel in this connected state very different and the results are very different too.
I love to expand my own inner awareness with gentleness, love and playfulness. Luckily I have friends where we share much humor about our journeys. I´m grateful to have people around who share the path of learning and healing. On this path we learn together, this togetherness is important if you want to move into wholeness and expansion.
If you want to explore different practices, feel free to reach out.
Sending much love and wish you a beautiful personal True-Journey with yourself!! So you are able to sail on a strong boat where you are your own captain. Your sails are weaved with love and deep connections, so the wind guides you truly where ever your soul needs to go.