How did you find Ayahuasca is a question I hear very often.
Where to start? To put that in a quick and short answer is a little challenging for me. Maybe one day you can read a book about my story of “How did I end up in the jungle working with Ayahuasca and Shipibo Shamans”.
To give you an idea about some steps and periods which guided me to my life in Peru. All are not included here, as this would need the space of a book.
How did you find Ayahuasca is a question I hear very often.
Where to start? To put that in a quick and short answer is a little challenging for me. Maybe one day you can read a book about my story of “How did I end up in the jungle working with Ayahuasca and Shipibo Shamans”.
To give you an idea about some happenings/experiences which guided me to my life in Peru.
All are not included here, as this would need the space of a book, which maybe one day I will put together.
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As a girl at the age of about 10 years, I started to collect articles and information about drugs, plants, substances, their effects, how to use them, etc… I did that secretly and stored my notebook, the articles, and written down information in a locked shelf in my desk. I thought it is something forbidden or so. Looking back I feel it was something much deeper about hiding secrets/plant wisdom/witch's recipes or so. Who knows ;)
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At the age of about 14 years, I started to smoke marijuana, bought a bong, and started to smoke daily for about 5 years or longer. Besides that, I used it to cover up pain, insecurities, and traumas unconsciously I enjoyed the states of mind / other states of consciousness it could bring me. Plus I loved to be able to be out there and at the same time manage life and pretend all is normal. I could hold these different states all together while I went to school etc. Looking back I can see that I developed a skill ;)
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With 15 years I started to use magic mushrooms and other hallucinogen substances together with friends. I mostly experienced deep learning and seeing. Most of my friends could not connect to the same depth I did. Mostly I called the things true I experienced as most of the people around thought it might be dangerous if I take the things I see and experience too seriously. I knew that there is something very important to learn for me. I knew that my experiences were much more than just a trip or hallucinations. I did not know that there are wisdom keepers out there who use these plants to learn and heal. There were times I used these substances in a weekly routine.
As well I don´t recommend that to anyone out there. This can be dangerous. I just share my story. If I write one day a book, there would be written in that as well how I went through very challenging times all in all with that. To the same time I learned and got prepared for my current life, there were also unhealthy patterns evolving, which I had to transform and work with later on (and still sometimes).
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In my 20´s I was many times traveling with my backpack, studying pedagogical things, and working in psychiatric hospitals and therapeutic institutions. Questioning the western approaches towards mental and emotional illnesses/health etc. At the same time finding it very appealing to be in service for people best as I can who "are losing their minds”, or “who are losing their ground”… Often it left me helpless, especially when I saw one switching into so-called psychosis who I loved. This happened a few times in my teenage/young adult life. Looking back I know all that were preparations to work and learn with Ayahuasca and Masterplant Diets.
Facing the fields of losing the mind, not knowing who I am, experiencing states of awareness and consciousness far out, and finding back on the ground. Or being able to do both at the same time.
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Also in my 20`s I questioned my own life, my purpose, and where and how I really want to live. Who am I? Why am I here for? I knew that living in a system, and being manipulated by certain rules about values and lifestyle is not healthy for me. When I stayed longer in Germany again and again I felt far away from who I really am. When I traveled with my backpack, sleeping in hammocks, being in nature and out of any pressures of the outside world I experienced big insights, breaks throughs, happiness, and a deep sense of connection. During my travels, I drank less alcohol, smoked less Marhiahina, took fewer drugs, and did not feel that I have to go to parties in that intensitiy as I did living in Germany. So I knew for living a healthy life and being aligned with my "soul's purpose" I have to change patterns. I blocked my path with these behaviors and patterns.
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In 2013 I noticed that my life was quite out of alignment and I felt depressed and unhappy. After I lived for 1,5 years in Berlin. I was partying a lot. I noticed that I developed an addiction to Ketamin. I lived in Berlin and was every week for about half a time partying. My relationships seemed also not nourishing as it has been and I knew from some awakening moments I had in 2008 and 2009 that my soul is not happy and that I should create a very different life for myself.
I knew there is something else calling me, but I did not know what, how, and where.
Old wounds broke open in 2009 and my path was accompanied by coping with partying strongly. The times I did not use drugs with friends or was on the dancefloor, my body and mind had to recover in a few days, and then there was the next excessive consumer behavior starting. Looking back I know that old suppressed emotions were guiding me on an unconscious layer. I did not know at that time. I just felt I´m losing my own inner clear leader. My higher self knew I want to do things differently but I did not do it. This left me frustrated.
In 2008 and 2009 I was with for about 7 months traveling with my back bag and in Guatemala, I had very clear connections and I received quite clear information about God, the universe, love, energies, etc. I knew there is a different way of living, and the fact I did not follow made me feel sad and slaved somehow.
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In 2013 I made it to Thailand as I have done many times before since I was 20 to find balance, center myself, and gain strength and clarity again.
I rented out my apartment in Berlin for 2-3 months, and it ended up that I stayed in Thailand in one spot for one year.
To make a beautiful huge story short: Universe arranged a bungalow for me almost for free. There was no tap water, no electricity and it was most simple with many gaps and holes in it. Spiders and snakes were living there with me. These accounters were super scary for me. I learned to deal with them in many different ways. Once I had even Cobra Babies. More about that maybe one day in my book.
I got challenged a lot. I went through a huge transformation. I got shaked through again and again in many ways.
A kind of shamanic awakening and alignment with my soul happened there in this year in my hut in nature. I lost my shoes and my batteries got empty. I learned to walk barefoot, using my hands to do energy work and to be guided in the dark on the jungle ground. I learned to trust in my steps on a deeper layer, which transferred into trusting in my steps into life. Trusting in my movements and trusting that safe ground will appear.
I was quite isolated and luckily I connected to 2-5 people (women) over the year deeply. We supported and shared compassion a lot.
I went through big life and identity questions. Financial fears and my future was unknown, I learned to make space for not having a plan, and no idea what to do or where to go. I knew this hut, this island and this bay felt home and it was the most beautiful home I ever have had. I loved living there and I felt safe. I never wanted to leave, but I knew the time will come as I had to earn some again at some point. The idea of leaving one day hurt in my heart strongly.
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In the time when my saving went low. One morning I was sitting on a big rock in front of my bungalow watching the Sea. I did a meditation I learned the basic technic in one of the Theta Healing courses I did and adjusted it intuitively in my own way. I always loved to do things my own way.
At that moment when I went deep in, supported by the rocks I was sitting one, I saw a vision of the Peruvian amazon jungle and I heard the words “You will work with Ayahuasca in the Peruvian jungle“.
At first I was laughing, then I got serious and from the deepest depth of my heart, I said: “If this is true, show me the way. I´m out of money and I need a job to make money to go to Peru. Please let me work somewhere in nature, where I don´t have to go back to Germany and live in this pressure of a system. Please show me a way!"
I promised that I will listen to my guidance. Honestly, I was not sure if this voice came from my Ego or higher wisdom. There was a vibration and a light with me which I noticed, but still, I felt skeptical about the whole thing. As I was super worried to have to go back to Germany and find again a job. It felt like a type of giving up all that I know is true.
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A few days later I met a woman from the US who invited me to her farm in California to work for her.
There were some other tests/big challenges from the universe regarding my substance abuse/partying/hanging out with unhealthy men which fed my old patterns/staying in hospital for 2 weeks with a serious infection etc… So to make a long story short universe tested me before flying to the states if I really want to change my life and how I do show up for changes. Quite interesting looking back for me.
I went to California a few months later, the wound on my leg just healed enough to leave and go on a trip. Just in time.
I worked hard for 3 months on the farm and used this money to travel in January 2015 to the Peruvian jungle for the first time. Where I started to connect with Shipibo Medicine. Halleluja. It felt like the angels were singing "finally we got her here".
As in 2008/2009 during my travels in Central America, there was a strong pull to risk everything and travel more south. But it was too scary because I did not have financial resources. I was not ready.
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When I sat in the first ceremony with these Shipibo Healers I deeply knew in my heart: “Wow this is where I was waiting for a long time. These are the wisdom keepers who know something that I would like to know more about.”
I felt very humbled and I asked the universe if I can learn with these people. I asked for guidance on this path and at the same time, I had so much doubt if universe will allow me to learn something so sacred and ancient.
It was not easy to create my life in Peru. It was a magical guided journey how I met 2016 my own maestros, from the Mahua lineage, and how I started the path of dieting plants with them and starting to be an apprentice.
THIS IS THE SHORT VERSION OF HOW I GOT TO DRINK AYAHUASCA IN PERU WITH SHIPIBO SHAMANS.