The Journey of deep Healing & Learning - a personal anecdote

I want to remind and invite every person out there who is on the path of deeper healing or learning healing modalities.

Especially, I can speak to women because I'm a woman. But I would also be very interested in how men experience this. So if anything resonates while you're listening or reading this, please feel free to send me an email and share your own experience.

I know this from myself. And I think I know this from every woman I have met who has gone deeper into healing. I don't know how many women that is by now. Maybe a hundred. Maybe more.

Every single one of them, at some point on the path—during the learning, during the trainings, during the exploration—met something.

Whether we want to call it past lives, collective consciousness, ancestors, or however we want to call it.

Somewhere along the way there was something that wanted to be seen.

Something that had to do with being a persecuted healer.

There was a prohibition.

A deep feeling...

I'm not allowed to heal.

I'm not allowed to offer my gifts.

I'm not allowed to work with people.

I will be judged.

I will be accused of working with the devil.

I have to hide.

I have to do this work in secret.

I will be threatened.

I will be imprisoned.

I will be killed.

I will be burned at the stake.

Whatever this is...

Whether it belongs to our ancestors...

Whether it belongs to the collective...

Whether it belongs to past lives...

Or whether there is another way of understanding it...

I don't know.

But I know that I have seen this theme over and over again.

And it also happened to me.

I consciously remember when I started learning ThetaHealing. I think it was the end of 2013 or the beginning of 2014.

Very consciously these feelings started to come up.

These images.

These belief systems.

These sensations.

They all came up in my field.

I looked at them.

I felt them.

I stayed with them.

I released them in different ways.

Sometimes I dissolved contracts.

Sometimes there was something else to do.

Whatever was needed in that particular moment.

The same themes also came up during different shamanic journeys.

Then, a few years later, when I started working more deeply with Master Plants, through Shipibo dietas and Sama, these themes came up again.

And then... for quite a few years... I don't think they were really in the foreground anymore.

At least not that I consciously remember.

So much happens on this path.

Everything is connected with everything else.

Sometimes something moves without us even noticing.

And then recently...

A trigger happened.

Some people made a public post against my retreats and also against me personally.

The wording changed a few times.

But this is how it landed in my system.

There were also direct emails.

And I have to say... this was the first time in my life that somebody publicly spoke or wrote about me in this way.

But this is actually not what this message is about.

What this message is about is how my nervous system responded.

Because the moment it happened I knew...

This is not only about this post.

This is not only about these people.

This is not only about this lifetime.

There is much more moving here.

My whole system reacted.

It was as if everything inside of me suddenly contracted.

I felt accused.

I felt judged.

I felt that somebody was telling me that I'm not allowed to do my work.

That I'm not allowed to offer what I love offering.

That somebody was making assumptions about me.

That somebody was spreading things that, from my perspective, were not the complete truth or the complete reality.

And my whole nervous system went into survival.

I wanted to run.

I wanted to disappear.

I wanted to hide.

I wanted to go into my inner cave.

I didn't want anybody to see me.

I didn't want to talk to anybody.

It was so intense.

Everything inside of me wanted to contract.

Everything wanted to hide.

Everything wanted to become invisible.

And I knew...

This is much older than this situation.

And then... slowly... something started to open.

It didn't happen all at once.

It was almost as if different doors started opening, one after another.

Some stories connected to my ancestors came up that I was invited to look at again.

To feel again.

To move through again in my inner world.

At the same time, another story came.

A woman.

A healer.

Standing in front of a court.

Being accused.

People saying things about her.

Making assumptions about her.

Judging her.

And then another layer came.

Stories that felt like the Middle Ages.

Women who were not allowed to heal.

Women who had to hide.

Women who were persecuted.

Women who had to choose between speaking their truth or surviving.

It was like watching different movies moving through my inner world.

One after another.

And while all of this was moving, I also went through many doubts.

Really many.

I questioned myself.

I questioned my work.

I questioned what I wanted to continue doing with my life.

Even though, if I honestly look at my path over the last eight years, I would say that ninety... maybe ninety-five percent... of the feedback I receive is incredibly beautiful.

Together with the Plants...

Together with my Maestros...

I have had the privilege of witnessing so many people opening.

Healing.

Remembering themselves.

And just recently I had such a beautiful group of women.

Every single woman went so deep.

There was individual work.

There was ancestral work.

There was collective work.

It was beautiful to witness.

I love this work.

I truly love it.

And still...

These triggers...

And whatever they were connected to...

Whether ancestors...

Past lives...

Collective consciousness...

Or however we want to call it...

They shook my whole system.

So deeply.

There were moments where I honestly felt completely thrown out of my own centre.

My nervous system activated every protection mechanism it knew.

Everything became survival.

And at the same time...

Somewhere inside of me...

There was another part watching.

A quieter part.

A part that kept saying...

This is not happening against you.

There is something here that wants to be seen.

There is something here that wants to move.

There is something here that wants to become free.

Looking back now...

I'm actually deeply grateful for this experience.

Not because it was pleasant.

It wasn't.

There were moments where it was incredibly difficult.

But because I could feel that something much older than this present situation was moving.

And I also felt incredibly grateful that I have the awareness I have today.

That I have Guides.

That I have the Plants.

That I have teachers.

That I have people around me who understand these kinds of processes.

For me, it became very clear.

Just as the Shipibos sometimes say...

It was a prueba.

A test.

Not a punishment.

A test.

A test of...

How far can I be thrown out of my own system?

How fragmented can parts of me become?

How much contraction can happen?

And...

Can I slowly gather myself again?

Can I stay with myself?

Can I trust what is unfolding?

Can I move through it instead of trying to escape it?

For me, a lot of that happens through feeling.

Through inner seeing.

Through simply staying present with whatever is moving.

Feeling how the energies move.

Feeling how they soften.

Feeling how they transform.

Feeling how something that has been contracted for a very long time slowly begins to open again.

I don't know another way.

That is simply how it happens for me.

And as in many traditions of healing...

Many traditions of learning...

Many traditions of expanding consciousness...

We are reminded again and again that there are moments where life tests us.

Where the Universe tests us.

Or however we want to call it.

Moments where we are invited not to go back into our old patterns.

Not to go back into our old protection mechanisms.

Not to go back into the ways we survived before.

But moments where we are invited to rise out of the ashes.

Like the Phoenix.

Not acting from old, dead material anymore.

Not acting from old identities anymore.

Not acting from old protection anymore.

But allowing something completely new to be born.

And that doesn't happen overnight.

It is an initiation.

It unfolds.

Step by step.

Layer by layer.

And I simply want to speak to every one of you out there who is on this path.

Every one of you who is trying to do something good.

Who is trying to support other people.

Whether you work with healing...

Whether you work with nature...

With trauma...

With the collective...

With ancestors...

Or in completely different ways.

Whatever your contribution is to this world and to this planet.

I truly believe...

The more our consciousness expands...

And the bigger our energies become...

The more life keeps inviting us into new expansions.

Sometimes those invitations come with joy.

With love.

With compassion.

With excitement.

And sometimes...

They come through old fears.

Old grief.

Old contractions.

Old limitations.

Things that have been sitting somewhere inside of us for a very long time.

Not because life wants to punish us.

Because something wants to soften.

Something wants to transform.

Something wants to grow into a bigger version of itself.

Sometimes I have the image...

That our jacket has become too small.

Something from our past...

Something individual...

Something collective...

Something from our ancestors...

Or something our essence is still connected to...

Has made our jacket too small.

And now life is inviting us to grow beyond it.

To soften what has been holding us.

To expand again.

Because when we cannot expand in the way we are actually meant to...

Usually there is still something old holding us back.

Again...

Whether it is individual.

Collective.

Ancestral.

Or something else entirely.

In my own experience...

We can meet all of this in the present moment.

Because time is something incredibly fascinating.

We experience time as linear.

And it is.

But at the same time...

There seems to be another complexity to it.

Otherwise I cannot explain why we are able to touch energies...

Patterns...

Feelings...

Memories...

From so many different layers, points of time, different dimensions, other worlds and timelines..

Here...

In this present moment.

And somehow..

Something moves and releases, creates space for another unfolding..

Something transforms.

Something softens.

Again...

This is simply my personal experience.

Every person experiences these things differently.

For me...

It happens through feeling.

Through inner seeing.

Through perceiving.

Through allowing whatever wants to move...

To move.

Without forcing it.

Without pushing it away.

My intention with this message is simply to send it out into the world.

And to trust...

That whoever needs to read it...

Will read it.

At exactly the right moment.

And one more thing.

If you ever find yourself in one of these moments...

Please don't believe you have to go through it completely alone.

Because honestly...

It is hard.

Really hard.

I know I often withdraw.

I often want to do everything by myself.

I go into my cave.

That is one of my patterns.

But this time...

I was so grateful that I didn't stay there alone.

I was so grateful that I have friends walking a similar path.

People who understand these kinds of experiences.

People I could talk to without having to explain every little detail.

Humans who encourage me, see me and understand me.

Giving me different angles to reflect.

Also I received different sessions regarding the Ancestral Work and some other interesting modalities :-)

It is important to receive support and for me it is important to withdraw to slow down and be by myself. A good mixture is key in these challenging times we go through on the path of a healer in what ever way...

Another reminder: the power of wittnessing and being wittnessed:

Every time I shared what was moving or what I experienced with someone who could also perceive these deeper layers...

Something moved even more.

Something transformed even more.

The Life Supportive Energies became stronger.

The movement itself towards wholeness became stronger.

It sometimes feels to me as if different people working with different gifts, different ways of seeing, different ways of feeling, different ways of perceiving...Are all helping to move the energie with different „clicks“... different algorythms :-)

And somehow...

The transformation becomes stronger.

I'm expressing this as best as I can.

There are some experiences that are simply difficult to put into words.

Maybe you know exactly what I mean.

And if you do...

I would genuinely love to hear your experience.

If you ever feel like sharing your story...

Or if you simply need someone to listen...

Someone to witness what you are moving through...

Please feel free to send me an email.

Sometimes...

Being truly seen...

Being truly heard...

Can already become part of the healing itself.

All my love.