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  • Ute

Riding the waves of deep and intense feelings, do you know that?

You ride the wave where you feel strong and confident, active, feel very productive and loved and connected.

You think, "wow life is so cool".

The next morning or a little later you suddenly feel tired, out of place, insecure and everything is too much for you. You get angry at yourself and others. You are disappointed that something did not go as you hoped.

Often we are in similar situations, but we answer differently from our inner map. It seems that our brain goes through a completely different chemical process. That our mental and emotional filters transport what happens outside completely differently to us inside.

Do you know these shifts? Do you know this maybe even regularly in your life?

In one moment you feel the deepest gratitude and happiness, a connection to the universe and life. You feel aligned and held. There is a deep trust that all is well and in order even when the world is shaking. Even the darkest energies and events you can look at with love and compassion. You know everything has its place, everything changes, is in motion and you feel an acceptance towards life, also towards the challenges. Yes there are fears, yes there is anger, and yes there is sadness and disappointment, but in these moments it does not feel like a dragging downforce. You hold it in a way or are held with it all, you can be eye to eye with it without experiencing a depressing or overwhelming heaviness.

Then there are the other waves, which can just take over overnight. Or maybe there was some trigger that pushed you to the other side of the coin. You feel heavy in your body, you don't want to get out of bed, you feel overwhelmed, and you would rather not take any responsibility. There's this anger and focus on the things your heart is missing. The body is aching. You feel a deep sadness and loneliness, and you would like to withdraw and not be seen. There's the self-judgment like, "Oh you should feel different; you should know you can trust the process; you know everything is love and you are love; you shouldn't let yourself go like this; get your shit together, you have work to do."

But everything you say to yourself fizzles out like some stupid slogans. Shame creeps in. Maybe the thought that if you're like this, then you're unattractive to others. Nobody loves you in this state etc.

These waves give us the chance to connect stronger and more with ourselves. How can I be there for the part of me that feels lonely? Show compassion and understanding. It can be exciting to go back. When did I first feel this loneliness? Where do I feel it in my body? How big is it? What does this part need in the here and now? How can I be truly present for this part, empathize and meet this part inside me with love?

When in my life did I learn to suppress these feelings? How were these feelings lived and held by my environment in my childhood?

In many of our societies, we have learned that you have to be productive, funny, and in a good mood to get things done. Against sadness or lack of motivation, there are pills or substances that get you out of the holes.

However, this is not healing. Healing means that I address the root, the origin of this pattern, and the world of this feeling I experience. That I take responsibility and see if I can change the relationship with that part of me. It is often about learning to accept all your inner parts and feelings. Creating wholeness and connectedness within myself so that I can resonate with life.

This is a process and can sometimes take many years or maybe even a lifetime. A full human experience includes feeling everything that wants to be felt. Embodying and integrating feelings in one's life gives our body and our life fertile ground. This does not mean feeling dominates us. I feel fear and create a space for it where I feel the feeling is different from I AM FEAR. In the second there is no space for me/my SELF to feel and not be engulfed by the feeling. Training this intelligence and awareness is a path.

Remember this learning makes us to very powerful beings. Being truely connected to our emotions and learning to ride the waves responsable gives us super powers for our life.


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