I want to honor the time exactly 8 years ago. What I write here and right now on the 3. January 2023 I did not know when “I was in it”. I only know because of looking back now.
End of December 2014 I traveled from California to Guatemala to the largo de Atitlan.
I stayed there over New Year´s and went then in January to Peru where I committed to a 3-month Voluntary Program in the "Temple of the way of light", an Ayahuasca Healing Center in Iquitos/Peruvian amazon jungle.
While a was in these villages around the lake de Atitlan I met a woman who offered me my first Ayahuasca for New Year 2014-2015. I agreed and had my first journey there before continuing to head south to Peru. I knew drinking the medicine with this woman in a private retreat was part of a bigger plan to enter in 2015. On the same day before meeting this woman I found a very magical big feather and I knew that something will open and be shown to me. I still have this feather from Guatemala.
The ceremony gave me very interesting insights. It was perfect in that moment as an introduction. The facilitator was a german woman what gave my experience an interesting note.
Looking back 8 - 9 years ago how it all occurred that I was going to Peru in January 2015 was a journey of pure trust, connection, guidance, and following a call.
1 year and 3 months before entering Peru for the first time to drink Ayahuasca with Shipibo Healers I lived in Berlin and made the choice to leave for some weeks or so. I wanted to go to Thailand to center myself, cleanse my body and find some balance. A thing I have done since I was 19 years old. Working, saving money, leaving Germany, traveling, getting new fresh insights, and then going back after some weeks/months again and getting a new job in the educational/therapeutic field mostly. This was my intent to create a balance between working/living in a system, party life, and exploring other countries with my backpack and creating free unconditional space for me.
It was not a bad life.
But in 2013 honestly, I was partying a lot in Berlin. One thing called Ketamin changed my life energy. It got me and I was at the beginning of developing an addiction. I was aware. I loved it very much and I knew this is fucking dangerous and could ruin my life. I knew I need a break.
In 2013 I left and it turned out Universe wanted to get me on track instead of continuing looping in similar patterns again and again.
Are you familiar with being in similar loops? Enjoying parts of your life and also knowing there is something else for you to do than trying all the time to create some balance between work, expectations and feeling free?
I was not unhappy. I had great coping strategies ;-) Many things in my life were good.
Some parts of me knew that this is not the life I really fully want. I had some waking-up calls before during some travels and explorations. Also, there was received information in my deeper knowing since I was a teenager, thanks to Mushrooms and some other helpers. I was aware that there is a way of feeling free, happy, and having a more connected life.
So I guess I was ready to let go, to move big energies, and to take risks to connect with something deeper inside of me.
Looking back universe/higher energies were waiting for me to get on track and align my energies fully and not only a little bit here and there. Life wanted to give me a bigger task and the time was there to do bigger steps. (This is what I see today).
It needed much effort, the strength of my will (gods will?), heart connection, openness, and huge portions of trust.
Honestly, sometimes I wonder how I was able to go for that and be so determined on the whole journey. There were plenty of good reasons to go back to Germany, living in my cozy flat in Neukölln and having a monthly paid salary from a job in the social field. Where I also could tell myself: “hey Ute you make money by helping others, that´s fine” and pet my shoulder so that I live an honorable life.
Why did I move on? Took plenty of risks which could even have brought me into jail. Just to follow this call going into the Peruvian jungle to drink Ayahuasca to see what the voice meant in my meditation in Thailand which said "you will work with Ayahuasca in the Peruvian Jungle".
Why was there this guidance and this pull/strength to move into something unknown, new, and unpredictable?
Something inside of my belly “just knew” I need to move on.
Again and again, I asked for guidance. “Show me ny next steps! Help me! Show me where to go!" This was my regular prayer to the universe/god.
From 2015 - 2018 after being mainly in Peru there were many tests and many options to go back into the safe harbor. Somehow I decided to continue to include uncertainty, risks, no safe income, not having a physical home, living in the jungle, dieiting plants, and following something that I called “guidance”. I knew at some point there will be more solid ground to land. I just did not know when and how this will happen.
In my work today with True-Journey I meet regularly people who are in situations where they feel and know that they want to change something. Often people feel they want to start walking a new path. It is quite common that humans today want to change things in their lifestyle but it seems too scary or it seems too much effort for them to let go of a familiar job, their habits, and the comfortable life they are used to.
Of course, not everyone has to move into the jungle for years.
For me, it is about following an inner calling, living an authentic life, using inspiration and your natural gifts, and experiencing an aligned feeling about yourself and your created life.
Do you feel aligned deeply? Do you feel you use your natural gifts fully? Do you live inspired throughout your life? Do you have the sense that you use your life and existence fully?
In which areas do you feel there is more potential to awaken?
My calling based on my own experience and following learnings is to create space for people where they can find encouragement and self-leadership to live their life what they are called to.
To identify firstly what is blocking and then unlearn patterns that are holding back to follow the heart and the inner calling.
It does not always mean to change everything, sometimes it can start to change one area in life.
With my clients, I see that a big thing that is not feeling aligned is often the job.
How we make money is often connected to fear patterns and often our work takes away so much energy from us that there is no energy anymore to follow dreams or an inner deep calling.
The main quality to do new steps is TRUST. The muscle of trust needs to get trained and remembered. I talk about trust in life, in our own power, and in the bigger picture.
The trust I talk about gives us safety, comfort, abundance, and freedom and is not about just focusing to have certain material things. Material things are great. I love having nice things. But if we block our life because we are scared to lose material things and we exchange that with living a fulfilled life. Then this can be very misleading. Financial security I see as something important. And I learned it is connected to my bigger sense of Trust in being held. So I can give and receive more freely as I dance with full trust I´m connected to spirit and my own deepest powers and gifts. This allows me to create more fully which creates an energy of abundance.
There are ways, we can take step by step how we can create a new path, so we feel safe to create out of full inspiration.
Involved in that process can be our whole life experience and beyond.
Are there traumas that are still navigating our present?
Are there past energies in us that we need to transform in order to flow with the presence in the present moment?
How did your ancestors live their life? Is there something to untie?
How did we personally grow up? What did we learn about self-guided living?
What did we learn about trust and life?
What do we really need to feel safe? What might be only limiting patterns?
How is our nervous system playing out in our life?
How can I create a regulated nervous system which also allows me to create and manifest freely a dream I have?
Can I be held by the universe? By God?
Or is my urge of controlling my life so that it holds me bigger??
Is that true that I feel held by the universe only by the construct I build?
How can I use my strength of will, clarity, heart, and clearly expressed intention together with the will of God/Universe/Higher Energies??
Where do these “higher wisdom energies” live inside of me?
How can I use my full potential of being a human in wholeness?
There are many different practices we can do by ourselves to develop a connection to our inner voice, to unblend clinging parts which hold us back, and to develop an openness to perceive guidance.
I´m happy to explore with you together in your case.
There are tools, methods, and created space I love to offer if you are interested to support your journey of connecting to a deeper layer of trust and connection to live your inner calling more fully.
What I experienced in 2013/2014 while living in nature, walking barefoot on the ground, having time and space to start to process old pain and hurt, to get more aware of my relationship to substances/drugs, and to get to connect deeper and more honest to my self was the best preparation I could imagine to have to start a new life chapter.
Again in 2013, I had no idea (consciously) that I would go to Peru and create a new chapter.
The almost one year of Thailand time, my pre-Peru time, the time when I was pushed to go inwards and connect I see now as a very rich ground and practice field. Today I see that many things I learned there before I started my journey with the Shipibo Medicines, Longterm Diets and creating my own company in Peru are actually extremely valuable practises/insights/methods I want to revisit by myself and maybe create with that an offer to others.
This could be used as a time to connect, to clean, to get clear, to get to know yourself better, to find out what you really want, a time to prepare, a time to integrate, and a time to connect deeper to nature. All in all building TRUST.
This time living in the hut gave me connection, trust, a ground in myself, and new tools and methods to heal, learn and expand. This time prepared me to follow deeper guidance and to create big life changes which made me able to start a new life 8 years ago in Peru in January 2015.
In 2013/2014 learning to walk barefoot literally on a foreign jungle ground in the darkness over many weeks, guided by nature and my newly developed energy practices helped me immensely to learn to trust in my steps later on.
Thank you for reading this text. I´m curious about which new steps will happen for me after this 8-year chapter in Peru.
Have a good 2023. Much love and trust!! Following your calling!